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[10 Aug 2005|09:56am] |
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.
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[08 Aug 2005|11:45am] |
Ok I know I've not updated in like forever! I've just had a lot of things going on. Alex's 1st birthday has come and gone. He was covered in cake and got a lot of presents, of course I don't have room for it all in the apartment. The wedding is coming up fast. Sepetember 10,2005. So not a lot of time to be around. Alex has to go to grandma's every weekend just so we can actually get stuff done on the wedding. It's hard when he's home and getting into everything.
Leo's making the dresses for the girls,and now only has one more to finish. Mom bought her dress on Saturday, and shoes on Friday night. So she's set. With my help of course.
Oh yea broke my ankle back in May. Alex had to go to Leo's parent's place for a few weeks all cause I couldn't walk. I broke it so bad that I had to have surgery so they could put a pin in one side and a plate in the other. Not to mention it was also dislocated. Needless to say I haven't been able to ride since Mother's day. I fell from a horse and did it. Go figure. I think that it broke cause I think I got caught in the stirrup. Oh well I was quitting that job anyway and the broken ankle just made it final.
Ok I think that's all I can think about now. I can't think of anything else to put here. More later.
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[23 May 2005|10:35am] |
Ok I've just been reminded about this. I keep forgetting I have it. I was asked why I didn't update anymore. Alot of it is the fact that I keep getting busy with my RP pup's. They seem to take over my life. :) Anyway I'm still Rping more so right now since I decided that Mother's day would be fun to fall off a horse and break my ankle. So needless to say I'm in a splint and not allowed to put pressure on it for 6 weeks. It's been two weeks already so only have another 4 to go hopefully. I go back to the surgeon, oh yea did I mention the fact that I had to have surgery to put a plate and pin in it? Yea I broke it in two places one on the tib and one on the fib. They did the surgery on May 9 and put the plate on one side having to use 8 screws to hold it in place. The pin went in and so now I'm going to have some nice scars on my ankle. Now I'm walking around on Crutches and using a wheelchair if I go shopping with Leo. I'm also having to go to physio therapy. Alex is staying with Leo's parent's who keep bringing him to us on weekends and stay the weekend. Or we go to their place so I can see my boy. Of course when I have to leave him there or I have to stay behind when we leave I cry. I hate this.
Ok Alex just left to go back with his grandparent's so I'm to upset to write anymore but here's a little update.
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[24 Feb 2005|10:48am] |
Gee my fiance is sooooo good at making me feel like hell! Last night he and my dad actually made me feel like hell.
Yesterday I had my riding lesson, which I'm glad that I'm back in again. It's going well but Leo got pissed when I said something about my riding lessons being me time. He got all pissed cause he doesn't get his own me time away from Alex. Well he's not home all bloody day with him. Even if he's at work he's still getting a break from Alex.
He's making me feel like I'm not supposed to get a break from looking after Alex. Even when I'm sick I'm not supposed to ask him for help. We were all sick this weekend Alex included and he was acting like he was dying. Who's the one for the 2nd time who had to sit up at the hospital with Alex. Sure wasn't him. Luckily I was starting to feel better by Sunday. It still sucked though. I'm soooo tired that a little help from Leo is all I ask!
Anyway that's my rant for now. I might write more if I can pull myself away from Roleplaying with Isi for After Celebrity. Our Sean and Liv. :-D
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[21 Feb 2005|10:58pm] |
Dang it's been like forever since I updated this thing. I'm not even sure that anyone actually read's this thing.
So ok should update this right?!
Well I have a job one day a weekend. It's in a barn and it's fun. I work by myself but it's all good I get things done and I make money! :) Course most of my money goes to my riding lessons on Wednesday's at the same barn. Plus I get to work with a TB and get him going and eventually I get to start riding him! Woot! WOOT! :)
Alex is doing fine. I'll post up pictures later to late in the night that I don't want to. Ok maybe being a little lazy but meh who cares.
Still RPing. Got into a couple more RP's than what I was in earlier. Have been loving Rping in them, and meeting new people like Isi and Julie and Belle and Anna and......wait I think that's it so far that I can think of! :) Like I siad brain is mush. Had to take Alex to the hospital last night cause he's sick so that made me go mushy.
Ok I think that's all for now. I'll just try to keep up with the updating.
Bye ya'll!
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[13 Sep 2004|10:45pm] |
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I'm seriously rethinking the "Being on the computer" thing. I don't know why....well no. I do know why I'm rethinking it. I'm just rethinking the whole Rping thing. Everytime I get a SL going on something happens and it gets fucked over. I know I sound bitchy tonight but I could just be having a bad day or night one of the two.
Wait I'm having a bad time lately. Found out today that I'm basically finding a new barn to ride at when I can finally go back to riding next fucking year because we don't have the fucking money! I love my son but truthfully if it wasn't for him I'd still be riding right now and I wouldn't have had to stop. I'm not trying to blame him for it. After all it's not his fault.
I don't even know why I roleplay anymore. My storylines get screwed over so why do I bother?
Ok I might be in a bitchy mood tonight but I'm not apologizing for how I am tonight! I DON'T care!
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[06 Sep 2004|10:27pm] |
You Know You're From Canada When... |
You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."
You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."
You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
You drink pop, not soda.
You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.
You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.
You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.
You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.
You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!
You know what a touque is.
You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan."
You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."
You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"
Winter. Whenever you want it. And then some.
There's German food, Italian food, Chinese food, Armenian food, American food, but NO Canadian food.
You call a "mouse" a "moose".
You like the Americans a little because they don't want Quebec either.
Contests run by anyone other than the government have "skill-testing questions" that winners must answer correctly before they can claim a prize.
Everything is labelled in English and French.
Milk comes in plastic bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
Mountain Dew has no caffeine.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Canada.
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[29 Aug 2004|09:09pm] |
Hey I have five new pics of Alex. I know I haven't updated in a really really really long time but I've been tired and having fun being a mommy.
( Here are the 5 new pics of Alex )
Warning they will take awhile to load on Dial up! :) Enjoy!
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| A rant if I've ever written one. |
[03 Aug 2004|08:29am] |
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Ok you may not agree with what I'm going to rant about but right now I'm to tired to really care!
Why is it that men want babies to "carry on their name" but when they come along they don't want to have to put forth the effort in changing diapers and other stuff like that?
This morning or should I start with last night? Alex decided he was going to have one of his nights and not want to settle down. I got up to feed him at like 4 or something like that and he didn't want to settle after that. So I ended up staying up til he went back to sleep. Then he decided at like 5 he was still hungry so again I fed him. And again didn't want to settle back to sleep. Somehow we finally managed to get to sleep, him in the bed with both Leo (who remained sound asleep through this all) and I.
This morning at 8 Alex is fussy again. I feed him then wake Leo and ask him if he could change Alex and calm him then put him in his crib to sleep all so I could get some sleep. His response? "I don't have time." It was only 10 after 8, he works at 8:30 and we live like a 10 minute drive to the office. He instead goes and gets a diaper the change pad and wipes and brings them to me. Then as he's getting ready to head out he gives, or tries to, give me a kiss as if everything was alright.
No you wanted this kid you can help look after it.
I'm well aware that he has to work and make the money since I'm not but he can still change diapers and look after his own son so I can get some sleep. I'm practically in tears cause I'm so bloody tired and he's not doing a damn thing. All he wants to do is cuddle and hold Alex. It's like pulling teeth when trying to get him to bath the baby. I sit at home with Alex all day cause we only have one car and Leo has it at work, when he comes home from work I would like a little bit of a break to sleep and shower but do I get it? Hell no. Why? Because he doesn't want to change a diaper or give Alex a bath!
So ok there's my rant....if you don't like it that's fine. I really am to exhausted to care right about now.
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[24 Jul 2004|11:24pm] |
New pics. Well they were really just taken at the hospital. But these I had to have my mom send me! :)
( Alex and me at the hospital )
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[20 Jul 2004|02:32pm] |
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I'm just posting a quick note to say that Alex is here and healthy and happy. He's such a cutie. I'm tired or I'd post more. I'll be back later with a better update and pics Promise!
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[15 Jul 2004|09:47pm] |
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Ok so here they are. The pictures of the nursery that I said I'd get up! :)
( The baby's Room )
So there's the pics! Now we just need the baby.
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[12 Jul 2004|10:10pm] |
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Paula You want to get in my pants?! Alright baby!!!!
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[06 Jun 2004|10:11pm] |
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I must be going through something tonight. I don't know what though. Tonight I've just felt like blah. And no it's not Alex kicking the crap out of me as he tries to use my internal organs as a playground.
So I only have 9 weeks til he gets here. I'm happy about that. That's not got anything to do with why I feel blah.
Just sometimes I feel like I'm a pain to people. I want to RP but I don't want to seem like a pain. Some people are alright with me just IM'ing them as my character and other times I'll IM people as my character but there's not a response. It happened tonight to a few people. So now I don't know, I just feel blah about things. I know people have lives and things but sometimes I just get to a point where I feel like people don't want to even talk to me anymore. I know that's not how it is but I just get that way sometimes.
I'm trying to do what RPing I can now, since once Alex gets here I won't be able to do much of it since he'll be taking all my attention, or most of my attention I should say.
I don't know why I'm feeling this way. There's plenty of things to do on the net but sometimes like lately, I just feel like there's nothing to do. Not even around the house. Ok there's plenty to do around here like clean but I just don't feel like doing anything. I don't go out, I don't call people. All I want to do is stay in bed.
I hate this. I honestly hate it.
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[04 Jun 2004|03:29pm] |
You are THE REAL THING!
You are just a regular person with alternative
beliefs. You don't feel you have anything to
prove and are just enjoying life. Good for
you!
What kind of pagan are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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[20 May 2004|10:48pm] |
Hey all....just a quick update as I sit here with ice on my face.
I've had 4 teeth pulled out today and so I probably won't be on much in the next few days as I rest to let it heal. I couldn't be put to sleep cause of the baby, and I can't take anything more than Tylenol sooooo....that means I deal with the pain.
Anyway more update later.
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